Month: January 2013

  • Tips for handling Junk Mail 
     
    1) When you get ads enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these ads with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
     
    2) When you get those ‘pre-approved’ letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope
     Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?
    It costs them more than the regular postage, ‘if’ and `when` they receive them back.
    It costs them nothing at all, though, if you throw them away !
    So…… why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little postage-paid return envelopes.
    The paid postage would cost them at least 60p before the last increase, and it is according to the weight, so they could get charged an excess as well. Sweeeeet ! 
    The banks and credit card companies are already getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail this way, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let’s let them know what it’s like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they’re paying for it…Twice!
     
    Let’s help keep our postal service busy, since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, which is why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!
     Tips for handling Telemarketing calls.
     
    1) These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting..
    The three little words are: ‘Hold On, Please…’
    Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming,
    that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
    Then, when you eventually hear the phone company’s ‘beep-beep-beep’ tone, you know it’s time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
     
    2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
    This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
    This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a ‘real’ sales person to call back and get someone at home.
     What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there,
    Is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call, and it kicks your number out of their system.
    Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!!!
    Tips from Snopes.com. (I already do this at all times)
    Delete all previous names from your incoming emails before forwarding !
    Then send your email to your entire address list BCC.This means that  everyone after you doesn’t get all your friends’ email addresses.
  • I love puns based on well-known expressions. Here is a selection 

     :-


    1). King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
       Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”
      “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!”
       Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”


    2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
       Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

    3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s surgery and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!”

    The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll  just have to be a little patient.”
     
    4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
       After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.
       After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.
       The chief shrugged and  said, “The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.”

    5. A famous Viking explorer, Leif Amundsen, returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.
       His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying,  “I must have taken Leif off my census.”

    6.  There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
         All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
        The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
        This just goes to prove that :-
       The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

    7.  A sceptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
        When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said,
        “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas.”

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