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February 26, 2006

Here’s a little tale I made up using genuine names from the UK Electoral Register. By typing these unlikely names into the search box on www.yourenotme.com the number of adults in the UK with that name can be found. In the tale below, each name is followed by this number in brackets :-

Going over to the window, Eileen Dover (5) the sill and looked out. It looked like a nice Sonny Day (2), so I decided to go for a stroll. I saw George Cross (154) over the road, so I Chris Cross (3)-ed over the road and nearly tripped over Arthur Brick (2) that had fallen off the wall. What a lovely spring day, I thought….the Theresa Green (122) and the Rose Bush (6) in the Rose Garden (1) looked lovely. That can’t be Peter Wheater (1) over there?…Shirley Knott (22). He used to go out with Shirley Valentine (15 ) before opening a pub with a little pint-sized girl called Jill Beer (7).

Even though I’m a bit of a Billy Bunter (1) I wouldn’t have gone out with her – not at Noah Price (2) ….she had a Hugh Jarse (1) nearly as big as the Albert Hall (322).

I was trying to decide whether to see the latest Harry Potter (35) movie or see a Donald Duck (2) cartoon show when I saw these guys leap out of a car into the local HSBC and Natwest banks.

They’re Robin Banks (2) I thought…. what a gamble. They May Winn (1) or they May Knott (3). Then I saw a terrific blonde across the street and I couldn’t see any sign of a pantie line under her short skirt. “Nicholas Totty” (2) I stammered. “You’ve got to be Joe King” (4) said a voice behind me, “That’s no Nicholas Bird !” (93).

It was old schoolmate and amateur pole vaulter Ivor Longstaff (1).

“Oh hi, mate,” I responded, “You still a slater and tiler?”. “Moved to the country now, mate, I’m a Ruth Thatcher (5) now.”

As I passed a furniture shop on the way back to my pad, I thought I must stick my hand in my Lucy Lockett (3) and buy a new Ida Down (5) for the bed, but I hadn’t enough money. Anyway, I had enough for a bottle of Olive Hoyle (2) although Ivor Lott (1) of those at home already. As I passed a shop selling stamps, I thought “Ivor Penny (4) in my Lucy….pity it won’t buy me a genuine Penny Black ! (5)”

I felt in my Lucy Lockett again…… and yes…. still had some Annie Seed (1) balls left.

I’m a sucker for them !